Gracey's Journey

...Hanging...

2008-09-09T22:55:00.000-07:00

Is it worthit to wait for something/someone eventhough you know that the result may not be the one that you're expecting?

I've been thinking about that question this past few days. What if you're just waiting for nothing? What if she/he change her/his mind? What if you can't move on afterwards? What if later on you'll be numb and won't feel anything at all because you've given everything int he very long time of waiting?

So many ifs. I can't find the answers to those questions or perhaps I already know but I'm just afraid to accept and let go....

I want to continuously feel the happiness that I'm experiencing right now. Though I'm not sure of the end result of this, but one thins is for sure, I'm happy. Life isn't about being perfectly sure if a person can give back whatever you give them especially when it comes to emotional investments.

My friend once just said " If you love someone you don't expect something in return. You should love unselfishly. " But what if you're consume everyday with the feeling of waiting for someone to reciprocate the love that you're giving? isn't it unfair?

Yes, it is. Though the feeling of longing to be loved is there but the happiness of giving love to that person is stronger than the idea of being unfair.
You don't want to let go because you 'feel' that there is something sweet going on between the two of you. Something beyond words. something that only your heart understands.

You wait and wait...

But still nothing is happening.

The problem is:

You can't walk away....

But you can't either stay.

Summer Escapade sa Bora na Binagyo

2008-09-04T22:19:00.000-07:00

Though I know this posting is already late but it's better to be late than never. Weheehee. Well, here it goes...

It was around 2:00 pm, May 17, 2008 when we started our road trip from Roxas City-Aklan. It was approximately 2hrs and a half of a very tiring and pain in the butt (literally) trip. I was with my bff's Jvee (wearing green in the pic) and Aileen (center). When we arrived in Aklan the rain started to ruin the summer outing that we are imagining since mid of April. So then we started another 2hrs of road trip from Aklan-Caticlan. It was raining cats and dogs. I was all awake but my friends are so tulo laway (sorry I can't find any adjective to replace it) sa pagtulog. (grrrrrr...) I can't fall asleep, maybe because of excitement of seeing Bora for the first time. After a couple of hours we finally arrived at Caticlan. We ride in a boat (which is not that safe, I think because it's small) and the waves are not that huge yet. My friend Aileen said "grabe naman bagyo pala, kahit bagyo basta makita ko yung Bora" at napansin na alng namin yung mga tao eh, nakatingin lahat sa amin (see? that's how powerful tagalog language is, mapapalingon ka).

After 30 minutes we arrived in Bora, the place was quite okay. " Ah so eto yung Bora? " i asked myself. As I gazed at the island,I found nothing extra special about it, just another ordinary island that I've been to with my parents in the past years (kasi yung parents ko sucker for island hopping, in case you wanna know). We stayed at Club Ten, it's a nice and affordable hotel.

May 18, 2008 (Day2). Binagyo na talaga kami. the waves were huge, all the stores in the seashore were all wrapped up, sobrang lakas kasi ng hangin, but then again, we still enjoyed the morning taking pictures at the seashore (Kahit wala yung mahiwagang sunrise na inaasam asam ni Aileen). Then we went for snorkeling. " Pano yan di ako marunong lumangoy tsaka si Jvee din? " I was so worried as well as excited. So ayun nakapag snorkeling din kaso yun nga lang hindi nakasisid. We didn't do the rest of the water sports because of the huge waves and heavy rain (Haaaayyy, so disappointing!) Then we went to an island (which I don't remember the name anymore), i asked the bankero "Kuya, ano bang meron dito, bakit tayo pumunta dito?" (kasi wala naman talagang significance yung island, except for the resto na nasa cave.) "magswimming po kayo dito maam." he replied.
So dun lang pwede magswimming? Kainis kasi nagbayad kami for island hopping service, eh bakit ganun snorkeling lang tsaka yung island na yun? (hhaaaayyyy, another disappointing experience). After an hour of island hopping (daw!), we headed back to the hotel. We rested for a while and then we went to D'Mall around 3pm to buy pasalubong. It took us 4 hours to buy the pasalubong for our team mates, friends and TL. Buying things for somebody else is exhausting you just don't know what to give, and to make things easier, we settled for the ever classic pasalubong "key chains", pero upgraded na din may cellphone holder na. hehehehe. At last natapos din and madugong paglalakad sa D"Mall (strolling around is not just my thing). People loves Boracay because of its life at night. The bars, boys, foreigners, and foreigners! Since we don't drink and we were tired of strolling around, we just went back to D'Mall and had our dinner and then afterwards while on our way back to the hotel, nagpicturan uli to the max (cam whoring as we speak hahahaha). Bagyo pa rin that time, which made it not that good summer experience.

May 19, 2008, we're on our way to Roxas City, it was again a start of a pain in the butt journey. My friends had a very good time, it was a very unforgettable experience for Aileen, and for Jvee, it was a fullfilment that she had gone to Bora. As for me, another ordinary experience that just didn't amaze me except for the camera whoring. It would still be an experience that I would treasure because I was with my friends and that's a reason enough to be on my treasured list.

...FrIeNdShIp...

2008-09-01T23:39:00.000-07:00

...They say that if your parents doesn't know your darkest secret, your FRIENDS absolutely does (perhaps, most of it!)...

I'm thankful and grateful that I have friends that were and will always there for me everytime I needed somebody to comfort and enlighten me during my darkest hours, rock and move my world with those crazy and silly jokes, or even make me cry with different love stories of their own, especially if they're broken hearted.

There are misunderstandings, even to the point of giving up friendship, but then again at the end of the day,you'll realize that if friends are really true no matter how different you are in so many ways, there is always one common thing that will bond you and that is TRUST.

I hope this will not be the end of a very memorable journey, with you guys, this will just be the beginning of long and winding road of life...

2008-08-23T19:36:00.000-07:00

Pahabol lang, yung Boracay get away that my dad promised me till now di nagnyari. Haaaayyy, mga tatay nga naman, sometimes just can't keep their promises.

anyway yun lang po..

"Teaching is a noble profession"

2008-08-23T18:56:00.000-07:00

...My, bakit noble profession ang teaching?.. a question that i keep on asking my mom again and again since i was a high school student.
"Kasi anak you do extraordinary things for your students and touch their lives somehow." (Ha? di ko maintindihan yun ah) , yeah i can't figure out that answer or i guess i can't get the meaning of it.
I graduated high school and my dad asked me what course will I take in college, i said i wanted to take nursing. My dad disagree. So I asked myself "Why asked me of what i want if you'll just disagree with it.?"
Teacher na lang anak kasi in demand yun sa abroad (that was way back i think 1998). As an obedient child knowing that I would like it eventually, I took up Education.

Orientation day and there's the classic question again "Why is teaching a noble profession?" Oh my, here we go again, si mommy kasi ang lalim nung sagot dun sa question na yun eh. The teachers and my mom actually have the same answer.

After 4 years of exciting ( i guess ) college days, I've learned to like teaching but still can't find the answer to that classic question. Kasi siguro haven't experience to be a full pledge teacher yet.

At dumating ang madugong LET (Licensure Examination for Teachers ). Sabi ng dad ko if you'll pass the exam, I'll treat you to Boracay, or anywhere you want anak. Grabe gandang motivation, Boracay ( white sand daw kasi dun, tapos banana boat, pag nasa tubig ka daw kahit anong lalim kita mo paa mo. hehehe). Kaya tudo review naman ako though at times tumatakas sa review class para manuod ng sine (hehehe).

To make the long story short, i passed the exam. Got a job right after it, and here it goes, teaching environment.

Grabe hirap maging teacher. You'll study lessons everyday, so you can feed your students the right information. First assignment: Adviser of 3rd yr class, moderator english club, teach english, social studies or even values education subject and remedial classes as well. ( waaaaahhhhh..suko na ko. Dami work..fresh grad lang po ako. )

Eventually got the hang of it..after a year of teaching i realized that mom was right, doing extraordinary things for your students ( remedial exam kasi bagsak, hinihilot yung grades di ko na alam kung san kukunin yung ibang points and talked to parents na umiiyak kasi gustong pumasa yung anak. ) and touch lives somehow ( ma'am gala tayo, ma'am pwede yung project bukas na kasi napuyat ako kagabi?, ma'am wala akong excuse letter ).

Maybe I can't get the meaning of the classic question because I'm not focusing on the real essence of my job.

Why I am teaching? I'm teaching because I want my students to learn and I want to guide them as they journey through life. Ganun pala yun. My teacher once said teach through the heart. Teaching needs a lot of patience and purpose. I spent 3 years of my life teaching and I'm enjoying what I'm doing though sometimes, nawawalan ako ng pasensya.

"Anak, magtake ka na lang ng nursing ulit." (what??????) " Dy, di ba ssbi mo nun maganda yung course na teacher?", " Eh nursing na ngayon ang demand sa abroad eh."

Ah so yun ang reason pala. He told me to take up education kasi may pera sa teaching abroad. Sabi ko naman "It's not all about money, it's something that you love to do." Pero yun nga ba talaga ang gusto ko? One night I thought about it, Teaching is not for me. or I guess it's not for me now.. So I decided to resign and work in a call center..and believe me till ow I don't know what I want to do..,haaayyy very depressing...well i guess, i'll find the answer sooner or later....

I asked my mom the same question last year, "My, bakit noble profession and teaching?"

"Kasi anak, walang pera sa teaching. you're doing everything for free. kaya eto noble profession."

Okies....

Bored!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-08-12T20:02:00.000-07:00

Boring Life.... because i guess I chose to live with it...

For the past 2 years of living alone, I've realized that I'm living a life of no purpose and endless questions. I don't know what I want and I don't know what I'm gonna do for the next ten years. I thought it's easy to live. sleep, work, eat, go out with friends, and then repeat the same thing the next day.

Life is BORING. I'm like inside a circle, no way of getting out.

I know I can do something about it, but I don't know where to start.

( Very depressing ) Haaaaaayyyy...